Accidental Addiction
by I'll Try To Fix You
Summary: A little take on post series Chibs and Jarry. As i can't believe nothing would happen post season 7..right? Rated M to cover me, in case things get heated later on.
1. Chapter 1

All that usual stuff, I dont own any of these people/places. Does anyone really think I do? :P

Chapter 1

She held her face under the scalding water, as though water hot enough to burn, could clean away more than just the physical dirt and grime of the day. The third lather of soap helped, so did the glass shower walls, so steamed up she couldn't see through them. And for awhile she could just stop, pretend that everything else would stop with her. Lose herself in the heat and the music she'd put on.

The cop half of her could see the freedom that today had bought. A safer town, violent grudges sorted, and the great King turned mad, gone. The cop half of her could count the bodies as a win really.

But for not the first time since she moved to this god forsaken town, the side of her that wasn't a cop, the half of her that was a feeling woman, despite how much she hid it under a badge and holster and loaded gun, was curling and boiling beneath her skin, and couldnt help but see the pain in everything that had happened.

Children without a father, and brothers missing a leader.

And him, missing his mix of brother and son.

Her skin prickled at the thought of him. The memory of his cutting words raising hairs on the back of her neck. She didn't fear him in the way she probably should. Despite his propensity to merciless brutality, she still couldnt imagine him killing her. Especially in this new terrain Jax prepared.

And he's in pain. Probably more pain than she could even imagine, and despite what he said, and who they both are, that cut into her, deeper than his words ever had.

She towelled off her hair and stared at herself in the mirror. The dark bags under her eyes were as prominent as the stark paleness of the rest of her face. Exhustion definitely was catching up with her. She was pulling her hair into an elastic when she heard it. She sudden slam of her front screen door.

Every nerve in her body was acutely alert, and leant down to retrieve her side arm, from the pile of clothes next to the toilet.

The heavy thump of boots entering her bedroom had her fluidly moving into stance, gun up and ready. The footsteps got louder and enrouched on the bathroom door, she held her breath and counted.

The door was hit open with what sounded like a fist and she came face to face with a very drunk and obviously emotionally unstable Chibs Telford.

'Jaysus Christ woman' he yelled at the exact same second she screamed at him

'Are you fucking kidding me? I COULD HAVE SHOT YOU'

Her heart hammered in her chest, she could feel her hands still shaking and the sharp taste of adrenaline in her mouth. She threw the gun to the floor and it was a testament to the shit storm they were living in that she didnt even care she was still naked.

'Do you really think death frightens me now?' He turned and walked back into her room. She moved forward with harsh words to get him out of her house, remind him who had the powers of arrest and her disgust at his actions and words. But they died on her tongue when she stepped into her room and looked at him again. She could se the tear stains and the sway of his stance. But what cracked open her ribs and shook her heart the most was the look in his eyes. The look of someone who had no home to go to. A home that wasnt lost to financial failure or natural disaster. But to their own mistakes. Like someone whose home wasnt a place, but a person. A person who was never going to come back.

'I'm sorry' She whispered instead.

'For the gun and...and for everything else'

He locked eyes with hers, and an almost scared look she never seen in him before, clouded over them.

'I'm sorry I scared yah, I just, I just needed...something'

The dead look in his eyes had returned. And needing something when your world was crumbling around you was something she could relate to, something or anything.

'It's okay. Do you wanna have a smoke?'

'Fuck yes. Any chance of some of the good whisky we opened...last time?'

She nodded, and busied herself finding a lighter to avoid properly acknowledging that that was supposed to be the actual last time.

She heard him banging around in the kitchen and took the moment she had before she joined him, to take a deep breath and steel herself to what was happening. She knew she was supposed to go back to being a cop, and him an outlaw, to cut him out completely. But she hadnt realised until now, just how deep the knife would have to go in order to do it.


	2. Chapter 2

She peered out onto her small balcony and saw the outline of his shoulders. She lit up as she walked out., she'd need it. Now dressed in sport shorts and an oversized jumper, she sat down next to him. He passed her a glass of straight whisky, and took a large gulp from his own, she noticed he'd brought the bottle with him. It felt strange to smoke outside, they'd always smoked inside. It was fine with her, but she could never tell if it was just his way, or if it was subconcience tick, one that highlighten again, that whatever they had, it existed behind closed doors. The change shifted her off balance and for a moment she had to remember how to breath through it, so she settled for handing him the blunt to occupy her hands for the second that it took.

'I don't know what to say to you'

She breathed it so quietly, as though any louder would solidify the existence of the hell he was in even more so.

'I dont know what to say to me either. I mean I dont….'

He paused and she watched the agony swim in his eyes. And for that moment it didnt matter that she was a cop and he was a criminal. It didnt matter that he threatended her. It didn't matter that she tried to end things. It didnt matter that even if she could bring out the light in him, he would probably only ever bring out darkness in her. All that mattered was the clarity that at that second, she would give everything she owned and could borrow to take that look out of his eyes.

'I dont know how to exist in a world where he doesn't'

'Yeah that never really goes away'

'Thats what I thought. And a fuuucked up part of me doesnt want it to. Because he was my brother and I dont ever want to stop hurting for him. Maybe if I do that means I've forgotten him. But another part of me wants to kill him. How messed up is that? Wanting to kill a dead man.'

He twisted the blunt in his fingers before passing it back to her. She took it between her lips, inhaled deeply and did the first thing she could think of, she took the hand that wasn't holding his tumbler. The cool metal of his rings was uncomfortably familiar. He grabbed her hand back with such a force that it shocked her, but she held fast and gripped back as he spoke again.

'I know I need to say things to you, but just, not tonight. I'm sorry but just not tonight'

'Who says allowing you to stealing my weed and whisky isnt a one time offer Scotty?'

The nickname slid over her tongue and teeth before she had time to bite on it. Careful, she told herself, careful. But he laughed lightly and pulled on her hand, tugging her whole form against his shoulder. Placing his tumbler down he took back the blunt and finished it before throwing it into her ashtray.

'You should've kicked me out. But you didnt. Thats how I know'

She didn't trust herself to answer so she just responded with a lowering of her jaw.

'You look tired LT'

'I'd be asleep if you hadn't turned up in my bathroom'

'Well..'

They stared at each other, unsure of the next move in their dangerous game of wills. She knew what would happen if he stayed, but she also didnt know if she could cope with him leaving. But she also knew, after everything he wouldn't be the one to ask. So gave over to her terrible judgement again and threw caution to the wind. Standing up without letting go of his hand and finshing her drink. He followed suit and she started walking inside.

Throwing him a tshirt he'd left there days ago without a word, she sat down on her bed. He dropped the tshirt next to her and stood in front of her.

'You don't have to have me here'

If that wasn't a question beneath a question she didn't know what was.

'Sit down'

Carefully he sat down next to her, feeling the bed lower under his weight she spoke again.

'I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what you're doing. But you can stay. I want you to stay'

'Okay'

He stood and started changing, taking off his leather with slow movements. She moved back towards her headboard and shifted under the sheets. He turned the light off and they were plunged into darkness. Maybe its better this way she thought, perhaps they were only completely, honestly, themselves cloaked in darkness. He shifted in next to her, the heat from his body already spreading through the mattress. She felt his heavy hand on her hip and she turned to him. Her eyes adjusting, she could make out his jawline and even the haunting in his eyes.

'I'm sorry' He whispered, with gut wrenching honesty and pain that it took the breath out of her.

'I know'

She placed her palm from on his chest, feeling his beads beneath his fingers, and in just that movement lowered the wall that they'd put up over the last few days. He moved his hand from her hip to hold the wrist that was against his chest. And with that, the fight in her was gone. He tugged her towards him and once again she was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Again I don't own any of these characters...

Okay this is very sexually explicit, if that offends you, please skip the chapter :)

Chapter 3

She was practised at taking a mans clothes off and definitely practised at taking off Chibs' clothes. And yet even she couldn't keep up with how fast Chibs was moving. In the second since he pulled her to him and felt her tension melt against him, he had rolled over her. Pushing her knees apart and kneeling upright between them, he ripped his shirt from his body and before she had time to take in his naked chest he had her top over her head roughly and attached his mouth to her neck. She clawed at his back as she moaned into his shoulder and rolled her hips against his. Despite the anguish and the fractured state they were both in, she felt the heat pool between her thighs. He wrenched himself away from her now bruised neck and tightened his hands to her rib cage, pulling her up and flush to him as he moved back to sit against his heels. She panted against his chest and tightened her knees to his legs as she felt the friction between their groins. He rubbed his hands up her ribs and the sides of her breasts, thumbs rolling over her hard nipples but moving further up, pulling her arms back around his neck. His hands gripped her face and pulled her down to a crushing kiss, their teeth knocking together as if they could devour the other and dissolve the rest of the world around them. Grinding down onto him was out of her control and she jolted into him when his hand moved down to her ass, underneath her shorts, pulling her even tighter against him. Pushing himself forward, in turn pushing her down against the bed again, his hands quickly pulled her shorts down, grunting in an effort to get her to lift her ass faster and get them off and then removing his own and covering her with his weight again. The feeling of their naked skin against each other had her already pounding heart pounding even faster and she trembled when he moved his hand between her legs. Despite the impossible need to thrust into her, she knew he wouldn't until he was sure she was ready. He slid a finger down from her clit to her entrance, soaking his finger before he moved it inside her and curling it to just the right spot.

Her panting turned into a moan as he gave her enough to blur the edges of her vision but not enough to take her over the edge. She bit into his neck as he added another finger inside her and sought out the rough patch he knew would have her begging and gripping against him. She dug her fingers into his back and bit down harder to keep her strangled moans at bay. He twisted his hand to swirl his thumb against her clit but never giving her exactly what she needed.

She couldn't see clearly anymore and needed him inside her, after everything she wanted him inside her as she fell apart to his touch. She wrapped her hand around his hardness and swiped her thumb across the tip, finally eliciting the moan she wanted from him.

'I want you inside me Chibs' she ordered into his ear before biting it.

'Say you want me' he growled into her neck.

'I just said it god dammit now get inside me'

Directing his hardness against her, with his fingers still inside her, gasping when she felt it against her nub.

He moved his hand away from her and she arched upwards to chase the contact back. But his hand was already on her face and she could feel her wetness against her chin.

'No, say you want me'

His dark eyes bored into hers and she was locked into them with the intensity she saw there.

'I want you' 

With that he thrust up into her causing her cry out at the sudden fullness of having him deep inside her. His pace was frenetic and it was all she could do to meet him thrust for thrust and revel in the way he hit the right spot each time, not giving her time to wonder how two people so wrong for each other and so unable to succeed if the other did, could make this feel so right every time. He continued pounding into her as though they could erase the writing they had seen on the wall from the beginning, if they could only keep this pleasure forever. She held fast against him and hoped this feeling could ease just a little of the torture in his soul. Her orgasm multiplied over her and she gripped into him harder, crying his name out as her walls clenched around him, pulsating against his hardness and pulling him over the edge with her. He dropped his weight onto her, his face buried against her scalp as the aftershocks wore away and she pretended she didn't feel the tears soak into her hair.

The sun through her window woke her before the alarm did. She rolled over and saw the empty other side of her bed, still warm, but empty. She sat up as she took in her room. His clothes, rings and gun gone. As though he was never there. If it wasn't for the aching muscles between her thighs and the lead heavy feeling in her chest, she might believe he never had been.


	4. Chapter 4

_Again I own nothing :)_

 _this chapter is very dialogue heavy which is struggled logically with, but felt is was important to get a little out of Jarry's head alone and was needed for where I want to take it._

 _thanks for reading :)_

Chapter 4

It was weeks before she spoke to him again. Of course she'd seen him around town, the sons were hardly subtle flying around on Harley's in black leather. She saw him on Main Street coming and going from scoops. She'd get a knowing, sad smile from Tig and usually a nod from Quinn but the president didn't look at her. It sent a hot flush of anger and shame up her spine, setting her jaw higher and lighting her eyes on fire. Who the hell did he think he was? She ended things with him. And he came back that night...saying things. Why did she now feel like one of the girls that hung around them, happy with whatever attention they threw at them when they wanted to? Get a fucking grip she told herself, you're getting out of this. What did you think was going to happen when you bedded, not only one of them, but the now King?

It wasn't until his scheduled drug test from his parole officer that she spoke with the Scot. What made it even worse was that she'd deliberately stopped making an effort to keep track of him, so she'd missed the date coming up until one of her new deputy's knocked on her door.

'Philip Telford's here for his PO? I haven't seen Peters here yet though. I wouldn't bother yah, I know you're busy today, but he's kinda making people restless waiting out the front'

Her stomach dropped 3 floors but she hid the flash that crossed her face. She saw the nervous look in his eyes and took pity on him, after steeling herself that this was still her job. And nobody, not even the Scotsman, was going to get to her today.

'Don't worry Eddie, I'll handle the guy'

The click of her steps alerted him to her approach as he flicked his cigarette towards the gutter

'Member of an outlaw motorcycle gang waiting outside the cop shop is making people stare President. Why can't you wait inside like every other parolee that comes to give a sample'

'You can say sample as much as yah like Sheriff, doesn't change the fact I'm pissin in a cup and handing it to another person'

'That's true'

His eyes finally made contact with hers and saw what she could only pin down as guilt in them. She tried to ignore the heat that crawled up her neck as he held her gaze before finally looking away towards the road and standing up from leaning against his bike.

'I figured that, I might not be the most welcome face for yah, and since yah armed most of the time, self preservation told me I was safer waiting outside until the muppet got here for my 'sample'

'Please, I wouldn't waste a bullet on you Filip'

She saw the moment the barb hit him, and almost felt guilt for the demeaning insult. Almost. But spoke again, ignoring it, but pulling the punch back a little.

'Besides, department issued fire arms make a very long paper trail when they're used. I don't have the stomach for extra work'

'Noted Sheriff. Guess I'll just follow you inside now I know my safety is assured'

He spoke the words casually, in the way only he could, but she saw the hurt pinned behind his eyes, and turned before she betrayed herself again and faltered to him. She could hear his boots just behind her and they took the steps into the station house.

'How the hell did you know Peters wasn't here anyway?'

'The cars here' He waved an arm to the parking lot.

'His aint one of them'

She turned her face slightly towards him, an eyebrow arched towards her hairline. She didn't even want to know how he knew his parole officers number plate. He just chuckled knowingly.

'You ain't talkin to the paper boy Althea'

'You can wait in my office, no surprise that few people here trust you to sit and wait in the open pen'

'Now you're just breaking my heart'

Her feet stumbled beneath her at the casual way he used a too close for home expression. Instinctively she grabbed at his kutte, feeling his arms on her in a heartbeat, steadying her.

'Woah Sheriff, getting sauced during the day now?'

'Shit, thanks. And no, not all of us practise drinking before lunchtime. Go and sit I'll be there in a minute. There's no way I'm leaving you unsupervised in my station house'

'Says the drunk Sheriff' he mumbled, but followed her instructions, walking towards her office, supplying the watching deputies with an arrogant smile had nod. She held her face calm, she wasn't giving anything away that he got under her skin in such a strong way. Stronger than anyone else had before she acknowledged, but only in her most brutally honest moments alone.

'Get your feet off my desk'

She slid into the chair behind her desk, appreciating the distance between the two and pretended that if he couldn't physically touch her, he couldn't touch her at all.

'Just stay out of my way. I've got work to do while you wait. They guys are calling Peters and seeing where the hell he is'

She laid her directions sharply between them, knowing she was close to snapping already and angle of her jaw giving that state away to him immediately.

'Easy Sheriff, I'm doing what you ask. You can't stay mad at me forever. I'm not going anywhere'

'I'm not mad at you. Like you said, I'm a cop and you're a criminal. To be mad at you, I would had to have expected anything different from you. And I didn't'

'Jesus, it's not like that Althea and yah know it. It was just, it was right when, I just needed...'

'Don't. I get it. You were in your definition of hell. I get that, I wish I could say I didn't. I was necessary collateral in the end. It was never going to work'

He stood up at that, palms on her desk and an angry flush up his neck that could have frightened a smarter woman.

'Shut up Althea it wasn't like that and yah know it. I went to you because, you're you and I'm me for fucks sake. You're a part of this as much as me so you don't get to sit there with dead eyes like I'm some vile thing that happened to you, like this is all on me!'

'Lower your voice this is my work place! I didn't ask anything of you. You and I have spent a total of maybe 10 nights together I'm not creepy feelings woman who says things and does things to try and get a man to stick around. You came over we said things we shouldn't have, we fucked and you left. Sure maybe I was a little surprised at first. But I bounced back. I poured a drink, I had a smoke. because that's how it is when you have your big girl pants on'

'You know the shite I had on my plate, what I've still got on it! I couldn't add you too it, I didn't want you hurt by it. I'm not saying I did things right but I ain't heard from you either Sheriff'

At that the thin razor wire keeping her in check snapped, taking skin and logic with it, leaving an open would she could do nothing but bleed from.

'You know I hated what you threatened to me that day. I hated you. But then I realised what you were doing, big picture, and I thought how hard that must have been for you. And I thought this, this is what a man does. This is how a man protects those around him. This is how a man stays loyal. But coming back and then leaving before I woke up and ignoring me for the last 3 weeks. That is not being a man Filip - '

'I'm trying to give you your space from this shit Althea! Look at it!'

'I don't need you to give me space from this, I am a grown woman! I don't need you to hide from me. To run away from me to keep me from doing what I need to do. I played your biker whore for awhile, I didn't need you to save me from it'

A fury she'd yet to see in him rose at that comment and she finally got a glimpse of the anger that the Scot held within him, and he seemed to grow inches higher with it.

'This isn't that, don't make it that. It's insulting and beneath both of us. And designed to drive me away, I'm not going away'

'I don't have to drive you away. You're a criminal, you're the president of the Sons. You are away. By those definitions you're away. This was never going to end differently'

'What the hell is wrong with you Althea?

'What are you talking rabout? You opened this conversation. I knew we shouldn't talk about'

'You're not just angry because of me. It's more than that. Your eyes give it away'

'Lets just drop it. Go back to where we both belong. Sit down and wait'

By then she was shaking, a thin layer of sweat glistening her brow, the truth crawling over her tongue and without grabbing a strong hold over it, would fall over her teeth. He stormed around her desk, eyes locked on her and hands coming to her elbows, forcing her to stand. He took another step, not letting go of her arms, now inches from her face.

'Tell me what's going on Althea'

The anger wasn't completely extinguished, but was being mixed with what could only be described as the beginning of panicked concern. She was too practised at hiding truths to fall immediately though. Too practised at reciting what needed to be said without breaking composure, now she'd reigned it back it.

'You're mad because I pointed out exactly what we are?

'Not mad, concerned, wary, suspicious'

'Don't be. If this conversation showed anything it's that even if something was going on, it would be no longer any of your damn business'

'You forget how well I know you already. You this angry. You have something to hide. So if there is, tell me now while I still have a chance to help you'

The sharp knock on the door pulled them from each other's gaze and dropped his arms from hers. She stood back and pushed him away, he followed her silent instructions and stood back around the desk.

'Come in'

'Sorry boss, Peters is here for Mr Telford'

Chibs took a deep breath and nodded at the deputy whilst she did the same, directing her hand to the door.

'This conversation isn't over' he whispered whilst turning on his heels and past the deputy. Eddie shut the door behind Chibs, staying inside her office.

'So, you need a hand packing any of your stuff?'

'No I'm not much of a pack rat, most of this is staying here for Cliffords to take over on. It's pretty much just my bag left'

'Okay boss, well we're still having a drink, after we clock off, still coming to say goodbye aren't you?'

She smiled up at the innocent young man in front of her, and couldn't help but wonder how long it would take this town to snuff that optimistic light out.

'Of course'

Filip walked slowly down the steps towards his bike, the conversation looping over in his head. Everything in that town ran through them, and he'd been doing this too long to miss the signs of something going on. The sight of Eglee exciting the patrol car forced a small smile on his worried face. She'd always been kind to them. Despite their geographical differences when it came to lift styles. She was Charming born and bred.

'Afternoon sweetheart. feeling okay?'

'Still standing. You coming to say goodbye to the Sheriff?'

She passed an all too knowing smile towards the older man. But watching his face fall, just tilted a confused head and continued towards the steps. Chibs froze. So sometimes it's just one thing that tips you off he thought.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Her feet wobbled slightly as she got out of the taxi. She'd been offered a lift by the designated driver, another new deputy, but has refused. She wanted to say her final goodbyes at the bar to everyone at once, not drag it out to whoever drove her home. Plus once she'd finished what she was pretty sure was most of a bottle of scotch, she figured it was time to make her exit.

Fumbling for her keys she didn't see the shadow leaning against her front porch.

'Now yah are sauced and yah can't deny it this time'

He didn't exactly have a forgettable voice. Even to someone who hadn't inadvertently committed it's cadence to memory. As though extra credit was given for being able to play it over and over to the point of knowing it anywhere, the exact inflection it had at anytime he spoke or made a sound at all. Laugh. Sigh. Cry. Tease. Hurt.

'Jesus Christ Filip, you've gotta stop sneaking up on me late at night. One day I will shoot you'

'Thought you said it was too much paper work? And from the looks of that skirt, you're unarmed'

That bothered him more than he'd care to admit. She was a target for two reasons, and being drunk at night without a weapon close by made his skin crawl and the hair stand on the back of his neck. Yet at the same time, the tightness of the skirt left a heat layering through him, burning skin as its conquest moved through him.

'What do you want Filip? I don't have the energy to rehash today's hysterics. I think you should go home'

'You're leaving. Were you even going to tell me?'

'You've been a bit busy from the looks of things'

'Answer the fuckin question'

She could blame the amber liquid she'd consumed too much of, but it wouldn't be honest, even just to herself. It was the snapping back of an elastic thought she'd held off since he left the station earlier that day.

'Why does it matter for gods sake? You made your point clear when I didn't hear from you for weeks! You think I didn't notice the reappearance of your 'crow eaters' around your club? What they haven't worshipped your ego enough? You're back to get whatever it is that you get from me. Do I make you feel like more of a man than they do Filip? More able to lead your club when you have a woman, that isn't passed around your brothers, on your dick? Or was it just having one who'd never really belong there? Is that it?'

'You're being drunk, and disgusting and what sounds a lot like jealous'

'WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO BE? I think about what we were everyday. I play it over and over in my head. We meet, we hook up, we feel something there, we're so wrong for each other but we can't help it. I compromise everything I've worked for, for you and then it stops. You just stopped. I didn't know what had happened. It was just me. Waiting, for life I'll never have with someone and for a mans arms to hold me that hours before held a gun to someone head.'

The first breath she took after speaking almost turned into a gasping when she that broken look in his eyes again. She shouldn't have said it all really. It didn't change anything now.

'I didn't do this to you. I didn't pretend to be anything other than what I was. You knew who you were with the whole time Althea. I didn't do this to you.'

'I know. But I'm leaving anyway. Whatever this is or was, it's done. You win'

'This isn't me winning anything. You're leaving. And I didn't choose that'

'Then why does it feel like I lost?'

'Because you're running. And unless you're running towards something, you're running away instead. And yah should know by now that it doesn't work. Look I can't pretend I'm not exactly what I am, the same way you can't'

'You're right. I'm an immovable object and you're an unstoppable force'

The silence smothered them both for a moment. It was now or never. She was leaving. She knew that. But she also knew it wouldn't have taken much to make her want to stay. But the broken world he'd handed her then snatched away made it impossible for her to be the one to break through impasse they were at. Immovable object. Unstoppable force. He sniffed loudly, clearing his throat before sighing.

'Well then take care Sheriff'

With that he turned and walked towards his bike parked on the sidewalk.

Inside, locked and hidden from the outside, she slid down the door to the carpeted floor and the flood gates opened. But true to form, she stood after a moment and scanned around her boxed up apartment. She'd plunged the knife in and it was time to rip it out and try to heal the hole.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 _Okay this one is the first from Chibs perspective, however there is a little bit of Tigs as well :) necessary for what's going on. But everything will come out in the wash soon enough :P_

 _As always, I own nothing :)_

 **Three weeks later**

Chibs poured another shot of what could only be described as some kind of varnish remover. The attempt at burying himself in booze, pussy and weed hadn't exactly worked the way it had in years past. It used to make him feel less alone, sexy and powerful. Now it just made him feel sad and confused and the worst part was it made him feel each one of his years, and dirty at that.

He was hoping the blond crow eater in his bed would be gone by the time he got back. Despite his years of watching his brothers do it, he'd never quite mastered the art of kicking them out. And depending on which man inside himself he was chasing to be, he didn't know if that made him feel proud or pathetic.

He felt an itching under his skin that he hadn't felt in years, since Fiona if he was honest with himself.

His palm rubbed across his chest. Feeling the envelopes tucked inside the leather, he'd already stamped return to sender. Of course she'd written to him. Despite their access to technology, she'd handwritten letters addressed to the apartment he barely stayed at. He wasn't away fighting World War II for fucks sake. She could have called. She wouldn't though and he knew that. She may have been the one to leave, but he was the one to walk away first. Both that morning after and the night before she got on the plane. That night he thought he'd finally stacked enough courage to tell her that he might really need her. In his life and in his bed, giving him enough of a resting place that he could start making changes that might finally grant him the title of a man worthy of such presence. But he'd heard her words and more tellingly, he'd watched her eyes. And his fiery dancing fury, with poison in her veins and electricity in her heart, had seemed duller, not completely gone but diluted. To a light enough colour that in hindsight made his heart see and ache for Tara, because he remembered seeing that same reaction take place in her eyes for years before the end. So classically. He said nothing.

 **The night before she got on the plane**

Tig knew were he'd been that night. There wasn't much he could hide from the mans piercing blue eyes. And since they didn't have much left but each other, except enough ash of the past around that occasionally covered both their lungs and made them choke and grab to something solid. Usually each other.

And whilst Tig had the same reservations about the woman that the rest of the club did, something had changed in the man of late too. A strange realisation that whilst they are exactly who they are, he seemed more aware of the idea that when you clung too much to the costume you draped your life in, unwilling to change, you'd lose in the end. He assumed it was years of Tig sewing together tears in his life, only for a new one to rip open, that made him accept that no matter who you are, sometimes this life you're wearing, will never really fit. And if you find something that eases the ripping, softer hands that help the sewing, you should hold onto it. Maybe it was the younger mans arrogance that told him they all deserved exactly what they wanted. Whatever it was, it cracked his brothers ribs open and tickled his heart just enough for it to ache for his President when he saw he wasn't getting the one person who did all these things for him and to him. Tigger was an enigma to put it mildly, throw a dart between arrogant and unhinged and you'd find Alexander Trager. And yet he had a weary soul that craved for the equal happiness for his brother. And when he saw Chibs walk in that night. He knew he hadn't gotten it. He'd heard the calls Chibs had been making that afternoon, a new sheriff heading to town. And it didn't take a genius to realise that meant more to his brother than just a new friend or foe arrangement needing to be worked out for the Sons. He knew better than to try and make Chibsy talk about it, but he also knew his brother didn't go back to a woman often. He went through crow eaters faster that anyone else, and to be bedding the sheriff, this had to be something serious. And so he threw precedent to the wind and spoke.

'So she's leaving?'

'Aye'

'What happened man? I mean, if she's what you need, we'll make it work with the club. You hold that gavel and if you want her, the others, they'll get in line'

'It's not about the club Tiggy'

'Then what, she just won't stay? She's really done?'

'I don't know brother. I don't know if she would have stayed'

He did know. He did know he could have made her stay. But then he would have been the reason she completely burnt the bridges she'd created through years of a glowing career. And eventually, she'd hate him for ruining her life. And soon her eyes would glaze over and instead of a Tara coloured hue, they'd bleed into one that was more reminiscent of Gemma. And he would never want that for her. Despite the part of his heart that still loved the mother they had buried under a plain headstone.

'You didn't ask her?'

'No, I let her go brother'

'Chibsy why did you do that?!'

He paused. Yet the answer still slipped out, a realisation he'd been holding onto longer than he cared to admit. A knowing in his chest he'd never acknowledged despite a clarity that it was true.

'Because I love her. And I can't make her happy'


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

sorry something happened when I uploaded this the first time. So here's to hoping it works now :/

Okay we're doing a time jump here. And probably will be a little in the future too (not as big as this one, more like going over morning whilst it's the night now if that makes sense) But it will be worth it I promise/hope :P

Chapter 7

6 months later

The isles in Charming's main supermarket hadn't changed. That didn't surprise her though. Not much ever changed in this town really. Which is what made it surprising that it was still a place that managed to grab hold and shake her, until everything she thought she knew fell out. Although she probably couldn't grant Charming with that power. More like a certain Scot... A certain Scot she knew she was bound to see sooner or later. She tried to shake the feeling off her shoulders. She didn't exactly choose to move back here. But she'd finished with gang task force in New York and as usual got sent where she could do the most work. Which ironically was also the place where she'd have the tightest reason not to want to do that work. She didn't want to be responsible for anything else that happened to the men that deserved none of her pity and leniency and protection but managed to claim all of it. Not that she'd heard from him. She'd received every letter back, with the envelope still and stuck as the day she licked it. She pretended it didn't hurt, pretended she didn't feel an aching throughout her body every time she collected them from the rusty mailbox that lined her tiny apartments lobby wall. Like it didn't ache within her, like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. And she wanted to scream and tear at a universe that created the term 'broken heart' because if it was only her heart that was broken, why did it hurt everywhere? Why did it feel like someone had torn out her stomach and replaced the hole with lead. Too heavy to move with and left her with an inability to breathe at times. Not that it affected her work, she worked brilliantly whilst over there. If anything she was at her best, and yet mostly because she threw herself so far into it that everything else around stayed black. She did pride herself on her work, yet it didn't give her the satisfaction it should have. Because the obsession she gave it only came from the fact that she worshipped that side of herself, a side she hadn't necessarily needed to have him. She horded it because it was such a different pride than the one he had brokered in her. A side that when the door had closed behind them, she tried to leave outside, in the same fashion he tried to leave the reaper. A habit she first assumed came from deference from the both. But maybe was more of a miserable denial neither of them had wanted to name.

If she could just grab the food she needed and another bandage to wrap her arm with until it stopped lightly weeping. She could get back to her new apartment and fall back inside the rabbit hole there. Because there was something undignified about trying to pretend you're not teary eyed in a supermarket at 2pm over the brand of wine he used to buy you.

'Well I have seen a ghost. Althea Jarry, you are a sight for sore eyes'

She subtly managed to wipe the corner her of her right eye before turning her attention to the southern voice she couldn't mistake.

'Ms Van Damm, hi'

'Oh please call me Venus honey, you have arrested me before and I know we both have a weakness for men with tattoos wearing leather'

She tried to laugh at the latter comment. But found the sound wouldn't quite move up her throat. Although when she looked she realised Venus had said it without any malicious intent, it was just a fact to her.

'Well if I remember correctly I let you go without charge?'

Arrests like Venus' made her hate her job at times. She wasn't hurting any one and she was doing it out of her own free will. She shouldn't be punished for it in her mind, and targeting willing escorts just made it harder for the women who weren't doing it willingly to get help.

'And I did appreciate it. So tell me what are you doing back in town. The Charming grapevine told me you were living in the Big Apple?'

'I was, I was doing some gang taskforce work and well now I've been sent back to Stockton. Just getting settled now though, I've still got to have half my stuff sent over, guess I wasn't above the big city shopping after all. Maybe I knew I'd get sent somewhere that didn't have anything as good as New York does'

She noticed Venus' smile turn into an innocent smirk.

'Not, that that there's nothing here I mean, look at you. You're beautiful'

She looked back down at the pasta sauces she was still standing in front of, a blush rising up over her cheeks and her mistake, but Venus just laughed lightly.

'I know sugar, you're a beautiful woman, you deserve beautiful things. New York is an incredible place, I'm not surprised you found things you loved there...although sometimes it turns out we love things we've left behind...'

She smiled lightly back and tried to ignore exactly what the woman was very obviously hinting at.

'Yeah, I did like it, it moves at lightening speed but sometimes. That's what you need I guess. Something totally different to where you were before'

Venus eyed her with a consideration she'd never seen from her before. Like she was appraising her before speaking.

'You know he went over there once'

'Who?... Chibs? When?'

'About a month after you left. He doesn't know that I know but, Alexander let it slip once'

'Chibs was in New York?'

'He told Tig he'd never seen anything like it. He knew straight away he'd need more than an apology to win you back. He needed to conquer the world. He's been trying ever since'

'That's why he kept sending my letters back...'

'It's funny how things don't work out'

'It's funny how they do'

She gave Venus her first truly honest smile, her eyes floating towards the large diamond ring on her left hand. Venus lifted her hand, eyes towards it also.

'Well yes, sometimes they do I guess, and like a lotus flower, sometimes the most beautiful things grow through the darkest parts of the earth. I do have to run Althea, it was good to see you though. I'm glad you're around again'

She smiled sadly as she watched her walk away, finally turning and tossing the first jar she touched into her basket. Now she just needed bandages. Not even a full 24 hours in Charming and she was already injured, she couldn't even bring herself to laugh at the irony.

X

It was the sound that settled in her ears too familiarly for comfort, that alerted her to their presence. Then she admitted that no matter where she went she'd probably always recognise the sound of a Harley. She let the rumble dance behind her ears as she loaded her bags into her car. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't hoping none of them noticed her as they parked within metres of her car. Of course she wouldn't get that lucky and she felt his eyes on her before she turned to confirm it.

'No no no I didn't say we didn't want to help Ly, all I said was if you'd gone earlier we could have gone with V too!'

Tig's teasing voice was barely white noise as she looked into the eyes of the Scot in front of her. He made no attempt to speak so she filled the silence that was becoming oppressive as the men around them realised what had caused their President to stop.

'See you're still not obeying legal parking restrictions, some things never change'

'That's your opener Jarry? No ''hi honey, how's the family? You're looking good''

'You expect me to tell you you look good?'

His laugh held no humour and didn't come close to reaching his eyes and she spoke again, mostly just to cover the beating that seemed to be getting louder within her chest, she wasn't convinced they couldn't hear.

'Well I just stopped in to stock my kitchen and pick up bandages because I managed to stab myself scraping paint off my apartment windows so I could open them again'

She'd word vomited the story of her afternoon before she could stop herself, waving her arm around, the old bandage already soaked in parts so the world could see the red seeping out of her. Surely that anecdote would distract from anything else that could potentially come out of her mouth without by passing her brain.

'Jesus fucking Christ Ally be careful!'

'Ally... Its very nice to hear you say that...it's a weird feeling...'

'Well I've gotta go. Good to see you. Get some rest and re bandage that arm or whatever'

He turned and began the walk away.

'Well I'll get some rest but I'm back at work, based in Stockton so you know, busy'

'That's great. I'll catch you later'

His long legs granted him quick strides towards the market entrance.

Tig stepped forward and helped pick up the last of her shopping, placing it next to the other bags in the boot of her car.

'It is good to see yah AJ. Knowing us, I'm sure we'll see yah again soon'

He smiled and winked, lighting his blue eyes up at his use of her initials.

'I ran into Venus inside. She's sporting a new piece of jewellery I see?'

'Gotta make an honest man out of myself eventually yeah?'

'Somehow I think even Venus could never make an honest man out of you'

'Wow. I'm on your side here and you're taking stabs? You really are a hit first questions later type of gal hey? I'm starting to understand the attraction'

'Well we all have our crosses to bear'

'Very true. I gotta help Chibsy, don't be stranger though yeah, I mean that. Except when you're on duty'

'Good Bye Trager'

She let out a sigh she hadn't felt building until then. Welcome to Charming she thought.


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8_

 _SHE'S BACK!_

 _thanks for reviews. Much love :)_

Chapter 8

'It's been quiet here for the last 6 months. If anything I'm not really sure why we need another Sheriff, you, but that's that and here we are'

She raised her eyebrows at Cliffords, a bristling hitting her spine and raising her jaw. She wasn't entirely sure what made the man dislike her from their introduction. But he'd been nothing if not dismissive of her all afternoon, since she walked in the doors, and was edging along to outright rude. And she wasn't one to let that idle before squashing it. She hadn't requested to step on his toes.

'Yes well I got sent back here so here I am. I'm not looking to make things hard for you, we both want the same things. Keep the quiet that you've been telling me about. But if there's a problem I'd prefer to know now'

'You see Jarry the only problem I have. Is the concern that maybe we don't want the same things. I'd just prefer we were honest about it'

'I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that'

'The Sons are the only thing we still have in this town that needs to be exorcised. It has been quiet since I got here, I mean in comparison to what was going on under your leadership. What was it? 4, 5 bodies that came from Charming in 24 hours? Blood trail went across state lines'

She bit her tongue onto a statement that pointed out that that quiet had more to do more with Jackson Teller and the rest of the Sons, rather than this man's ability to do his job.

'I'm still not sure how that makes you concerned that our end games are any different?'

'You're a smart woman Jarry and from what I hear a good cop. So I have to wonder, why this town was spiralling in a bloody mess and you packed up and left'

'I got an offer to work in New York. Anyone in my position would have considered it, if not taken it and what was happening in town wasn't -'

'But it's not the only reason you left. Is it?'

Heat flushed up her face. Lie, she thought.

'I don't know what you're implying Cllifords but I can tell you that I'm good at this job. I am better than anyone. I live sleep and breathe my work. You are lucky to have me'

'That's the problem though. Live sleep and breathe your work, and you're bound to get too close. It's a small town Jarry, and with people sitting on one side of the fence or another when it comes to the Sons of Anarchy, they don't have a lot to do except time and talk. And the way you left, and your behaviour beforehand, sounds a lot like a bitter break up'

'And if it had been it would be none of your business. Or anyones here for that matter'

Clifford continued as though she hadn't spoken. Sweat was filtering out of her skin, she could feel it as she heard him speak again.

'And from talking to people, and in turn looking over the rap sheets of the men you were spending most of your time investigating and it looks like, with. As well as some interesting visits I've had with the Sons here, I have to ask, was the boyfriend you had, the one that made you leave, was it Filip Telford?'

Blood stopped moving. Lie better she told herself. She wasn't losing this early on. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

'You're asking me if I was in a relationship with the President of the Sons of Anarchy?'

'Yes'

'He's married. He's the president of the Sons of Anarchy!'

'Yes'

'You're actually asking me that? Surely this is a joke'

'Im waiting for you to answer the question'

'Are you angry at me because I got sent here. Like I said I didn't choose it!'

'I'm not angry I'm just worried none of us can trust you to do your job'

'Don't be'

'Because Filip Telford wasn't your boyfriend?'

'You really want to stop asking me that'

'You know trying to find a reason as to why you'd be stupid enough to run away during a career making period of time in this town. Especially considering how close you were getting to bringing the whole club down, and after how much work you had put in. And the only reason I could come up with for why you'd be in so deep is because you, were his mistress'

'That's sexist and insulting. I'm going to do you a favour and pretend this conversation didn't happen. I've been doing this job long enough and as I said, I am good. If you don't trust me I can't change that. But I'm not standing here and having this conversation anymore. So goodnight, I'll see you tomorrow and I'll be on my cell if you need anything else'

She walked out into the cool night towards her car as she felt the stinging of tears behind her eyes. She wouldn't cry over this. She had no right to. He was right. And if she had been in his position she would have done the same thing. He said it perfectly, it was a small town. And a station house full of deputy's wanting to rise up the ranks, that had probably heard enough to take some guesses. She got into her car and turned the engine over before she had a chance to think about where she was going.

X

She was an idiot, or at the very least, a masochist. She couldn't even figure out why she was there, all she'd been aware of was her car driving the familiar route, memory steering her more than logic or reason. Until she was there. If she had the space in her mind to think about it, she would notice how where Chibs lived, was different to what people probably imagined. A modest set of ground floor flats, not even 5 minutes from what used to be the clubhouse. His was tucked in the back. Behind the 2 sets of retired couples and one young family, who'd probably prefer to live elsewhere but couldn't afford to. She knew he'd spent years silently trying to convince his neighbours that if they left him alone, he'd leave them alone. And despite his club affiliation never crossing into his neighbours lives, they still eyed him warily and kept their distance. She also knew it didn't bother him, he spent so little time there that he didn't need friends in them. Jax had had his spare key and that was it. She did wonder who had it now though..

She made her way past the other apartments and before her brain caught up with her body, knocked on the dark wooden door. She stared into the small glass circle she knew he looked out of before he ever opened his door, and waited.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 _I'm sorry for the delay, it's been my final year of uni exams this month so a little crazy. But holidays now! Yay!_

 _Another from Chibs' perspective :)_

Chibs didn't stick around with his brothers long that night. Enough to eat some of the roast dinner that Venus made, shoot some pool with Tig and Quinn, and go over some financial papers with Lyla that made the dull headache that had been solidifying behind his eyes since that morning, turn into a full blown migraine.

'Thanks sweetheart. That's about all that this hard head can take today yeah? Pick it up again with yah tomorrow'

He kissed her forehead and took his glasses off.

'Alright, but business is starting to pick up again. That's the main thing'

He smiled at the young blond. Even the world weariness in her eyes couldn't take away an inch of her beauty.

'You're doing great lovey. You're great at it. Proud of yah as usual'

'Speaking of being great at ones job...rumour has it an old sheriff has returned'

'Not sure Althea Jarry would appreciate yah calling her old sweetheart'

'Not what I meant and you know it. She's really back?'

'Darlin, I know as much about that woman as you do'

'Well that's just not true. I'm sure there are parts you know much better than I do'

'Now you mention it, maybe yah right' He chuckled.

'She's back in town, other than that I don't know what's going on if that's what yah askin'

'Alright alright I'll leave it, a woman should know when she's not wanted'

'Love you darlin'

X

Back in his small apartment he could finally decompress after a non stop 2 days. It was the first chance he'd had to really be alone since he saw her. Tig and Venus seemed to think he needed to be constantly distracted, which came from a good place but grated on him more than anything else. As though simply not being alone would help his muddled mind work through the arrow that had just been shot back through his world. And if Althea Jarry wasn't an arrow into him, he didn't know what was. They had done a similar exercise when she first left. Although they probably had a point then. In the beginning he had spent a lot of time lying face down on his couch, which not only turned out to be a terrible plan for his state of mind but also for the state of his back. After his couch lying phase he was still lost. When he wasn't working or with his brothers there was nothing. And he couldn't remember what he used to do with all his time. And he kept finding things of hers around. She was always a flighty mess, throwing clothes off when she walked in the door, not caring where they landed. She'd even left a box containing a spice rack she'd bought before spending the night. So he took out his anger on the box more than he'd admit to, kicking it every time he walked past, before finally throwing it on his curb, realising eventually he'd break a toe with that form of grieving. And it got easier each time he found something, but in the beginning it was pretty fucking horrible, a sting up his throat that tasted like bile and cigarettes and betrayal. That was when he decided he needed to go back spending nights with crow eaters. And the problem was they were all perfectly good women, beautiful and willing. But none of them could really talk to him. And what he needed to talk about what how the woman and myth of Althea Jarry had straight up ruined him. Pulled out any vestiges of a sane man that remained after living this life for so long, that made him feel like he didn't belong anywhere.

And that felt a little heavy for a crow eater.

So he'd gone back to spending nights alone, keeping her side of the bed empty with a just in case mentality, as if hopes middle name is maybe and maybe she missed him too, and he'd wake up with his arm draped over her absence. And he'd realised he missed even the beating of her heart next to him. Because it's cadence was something that couldn't be replicated or reproduced. He couldn't sleep next to someone else and pretend it was her. She used to tell him she only slept well next to him, which sounds real nice. But feels pretty fucking empty in retrospect. So not only had she run off, carting his ability to sleep or fuck with her, but also managing to silently steal his passion for music. Memories of her wearing nothing but underwear and a feather boa that that had been left in her cruiser after a prostitution bust in Lodi and brought home, just for laughs. Draping it over her shoulders and drunkenly singing along to an old Stones record. This was the fun side she showed few people. And in all his years he somehow hadn't managed to realise until now, all songs are love songs. And the sad ones are awful but the happy ones are torture. He'd started to really fucking hate the radio. So he kept existing in silence which just lent more noise to the thoughts inside his head. And he kept the club and his brothers heads above water but felt like his was constantly drowning. And he could see everyone around him breathing. He saw her on the news once. Some police conference from New York regarding the massive gang taskforce she was working on. She looked different, and yet exactly the same. Too skinny. Dark circles underneath her eyes. He had to admit it still didn't take away from her beauty. But she looked miserable. And he thought good, I'm glad you're miserable, and he hated himself for that. It only took Tig the time to finish his cigarette before he came in and turned the TV off, yelling something about just replying to a fucking letter.

X

And then she was back. Appearing as fast again as she did the first time. And he wanted to rage against her for being able to blaze and stream back into his life. As though she should know how hard he's been working to get over her and how cruel it was to come back before he had a chance to get a grip on the life she'd torn up before fleeing. And blame her for how his heart stopped when he saw the woman packing groceries into her car. He'd know that spine anywhere. And how it had hit him like a phantom limb, like a ringing, aching numbness, when he saw instant coffee with creamer amongst her purchases. He could smash a perfume bottle and rip and throw away clothes she'd left at his place. But he couldn't strike the way she had her coffee from his memory. She'd never used milk. Perhaps she thought he'd forgotten the details of her life. How she took it strong and black, and added sugar as the day went on. And he can't fathom her as a milk with coffee drinker, and he's starting to think that might be the root of their problems. But she had donned the same jeans and t shirt look as before, perhaps coffee was not something she needed to feel normal. And he wanted to grab the coffee and scream at her that she made him feel like someone scraped out his insides. All because he can't tell if her clothes and shoes are just a front piece to being the woman she was before she left. A part of her play at normalcy. Same town, same job, same woman. if they really are just a front, and she'd been written over by a woman he doesn't know as well he he had himself convinced. And he hates himself for noticing these things, and hates her for leaving in the first place. But he'd never say it. Because he can't forgive her and she shouldn't forgive him. But he can't stand not knowing her better than anyone else in this town. So he throws her disinterested comments and hopes he's successful at looking like he doesn't give a shit, letting his mind catch up to the fucking coffee that has him realising he has no idea how to feel about that. Which seems to be a theme with them. And it's probably the wrong thing to say to her, but he figures he's been saying the wrong things to Althea Jarry for a long time now.

So he drinks in silence in his apartment, mulling over the entire interaction. And the silence he was getting used to, is different once again. She sounded more fragile than he'd like. And he has no right to ask her to stay, no right to beg her to never leave again. The same way he has no right to demand her to turn around and go. But it's the two of them, so something's gonna give.

The sharp sound of a knock at his door tore him from his thoughts.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

'Business or pleasure Sheriff?'

He was wearing dark grey sweatpants and a white singlet. If she wasn't so lost, she would have stopped to admire his chest. Remembering exactly how it felt with a clarity she was ashamed to admit to. She could only see one of his hands, knowing the other was palming a gun behind the door. She sniffed and let the closest thing to a laugh she could manage out.

'That's the million dollar question isn't it? Because it's not business. But it's not pleasure because that would be saying that seeing you is pleasurable, when really all it is is stressful and really kind of surreal -'

'You've been crying'

She heard the gun be dropped on the small table just inside as he moved out of the doorway towards her. At that she did laugh. She wiped the left over damp skin under her eyes at the same moment he pulled on her jacket, leading her into him.

'What happened Althea? You never cry'

'Nothing I'm not crying. I'm just...fuck'

Strong arms pulled her against his chest and for the first time in 6 months she took a real breath. This wasn't getting her any closer to seeing clearly, but she'd be damned if lost didn't feel like the safest thing to be when she felt her skin against his.

'Shit. Shhhhh. Slow down and breathe for me. What happened?'

'I'm fine honestly. It's just.. A lot.. Being back here. And this was the only place I could go to. Nothing happened. Being back here isn't as clear as I hoped it would be'

She took another deep breath and pulled away from his embrace, after a seconds hesitation he relented and let her step back.

'I'm sorry to just turn up here. First day back wasn't a cake walk I guess'

'It's okay. But come inside yeah? It's fucking freezing'

She let him lead her into his apartment without a second thought, his hands never leaving her. He pushed a tumbler of scotch into her hands faster than she though possible. And opened the cupboard that contained a second one for himself, and poured. He brushed a piece of hair that had fallen forwards and she shivered under his touch. It was this side that she disintegrated under. This soft melting side he showed no one. The side that had him holding her when she thrashed in her sleep, that had him setting coffee for her when he left before she woke. The side that had him breathing in her skin like incense and waking up constantly just to make sure he was still holding her.

'Drink. You'll feel better. Or so I tell myself when I drink. Yah really are okay?'

'Yeah. Just a rough day. I'm really sorry to turn up here'

He waved off her second apology. And refilled her glass.

'I take it yah met our new Sheriff?'

'Huh yeah. I did. He didn't take long to tell me exactly where I stand in his eyes, or at least my former deputy's didnt'

'Don't feel too special, he did the same to me. Although he was probably at least more subtle with you hey? Guessin a cop garners more respect than a criminal'

His joke fell flat when she replied with a shake of her head and a drink.

'Pretty much called me a whore. Or at least implied it, I guess I didn't do myself any favours by coming here though. Jesus how did I get here?'

'What the fuck did he say to yah?!'

'Nothing I didn't deserve. Forget it. Can we just drink?'

He paused, holding her eyes and she watched the anger that had risen slowly fade, as though he didn't really want to let it go but was doing so because she asked. She took the step forward into speaking, just wanting to hear his voice respond.

'So this is weird. I really didn't think we'd be back here'

'Yeah. I guess it kinda is. It's not like much has changed though. You'll find your feet here. If anyone can its you. Must be strange though, being back after the craziness of New York, I can imagine that it was different working there to good old Charming'

'You wouldn't have to imagine if you read my letters...'

'Aye. Guess you're right. But I didn't leave did I? You made that play Ally'

'Would things be different if I had stayed?

'It's hard ta say isn't it? But there's no point killing ourselves over it now. It's done'

The finality beneath that statement twisted into her chest. Was it really done? She felt the familiar heat on her eyes but held it off. She couldn't really be surprised here.

'Why'd you leave Ally? I mean, I know what happened between us was a car crash. But in the end? Was it just about the club. Is that all it was?'

'No. It wasn't. In all honestly? I could never imagine having you without imagining losing you, to the club, or another woman, or your inevitable lack of interest. I guess I trusted you about as much as I should, which could be another way of saying I wonder if I ever did. But by the time that I realised I could still be me, and be here, with you, it was too late. That's why I wrote to you'

He didn't reply immediately. The heaviness of her words layering between them.

'I know. I'm not bitter anymore, I know what we had was a Hail Mary at trying to make something work. I don't know what's supposed to happen now. I didn't think you'd ever come back. You know, I've had this for 36 hours now, maybe giving me a little room wouldn't be totally out of line yeah?'

'I've known I was coming back for 2 weeks now, and I'm still no closer to knowing what's supposed to happen here. Take all the time you need. If you figure it out before I do, let me know'

'I will darlin. Drink'

She finished her glass. And stood to leave. She needed to get home before she caved and admitted how much she'd missed him, how the sound of his voice and the heat of his presence, felt better than any drug she'd tried.

'Where do yah think you're going? You're not driving in your condition Sheriff'

'I'm hardly drunk Telford. And you've seen me drunk'

'You've had a few and you're higher strung than yah usually are. And that's sayin something. Just crash here. I'll keep my hands to myself, Scouts honour'

'You were a Boy Scout?'

She raised an eyebrow at the comment. But couldn't help the warm feeling that coursed through her at the idea of sleeping next to him. A warmth that overshadowed the part of her that knew it was a dangerous move.

'Thanks, I... I really appreciate it'

'You've done the same for me'

He flicked the kitchen light off behind them and walked towards his bedroom.

In the bathroom she slid out of her uniform and stared at herself in the mirror. In just a singlet and cotton underwear, heading into bed with Filip Telford. She was right when she spoke to him yesterday, some things never change. She walked out to his bedroom and saw Chibs already in bed, sitting up against the headboard. She got in next to him and took a deep breath, she knew she shouldn't, but she felt more relaxed, more able to sleep, than she had since she left Charming. The sounds of his slow deep breathing easing her into it even faster. Here they were again.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

She kicking and scratching. Which wasn't all that unusual. She'd been a violent sleeper for as long as he'd known her. And the familiar pattern of it made him think she had been for long before that. Her sleep was full of contradictions. The only time she was settled and calm, and he could lay the closest thing to love on her, and pull her against him. Revelling in the feel of her warm bronzed skin on his. And he took these moments with both hands and begged them to stay. For it was the only time they could be that close without burning the other. But as soon as they began she would switch, a flicker of her spine would alert him to the change and he'd retreat, knowing she'd be lashing out soon. And the kicking and scratching would begin. Eventually he'd wrap his hands around her tiny wrists and lull her back to calm with soothing words and kisses into her hair. And he was convinced something in her sleep conscience knew it was him, because she never directly struck him. Just the air between them and the blankets wrapped around them.

So he tessellated his fingers into hers and ignored the fact they didn't slip as easily fitted as before. Unsure if it was because he changed, or she had. And that wasn't on him. She left. But he pulled her close again and her head found the crook in his neck and they figured out the rest as her still sleep filled eyes raised to his.

'Sorry, bad dream'

'It's okay. Yah okay?'

'Yeah yeah. I'm fine'

No you're not he wants to say. But he barely remembered how to hold her.

So instead he slides one hand from hers and pulls on her torso, anchoring her more onto his chest and slides his hand under her singlet. Pressing fingers pads into the smooth skin of her back, her warm chest against his.

'It shouldn't feel this good Scotty'

'I know. But it does'

'Yeah. It does'

'I'm not sure if this is a good idea Ally'

'Have we ever been sure?'

She moved a hand across his chest, resting in the middle, warmth spreading into his skin, bringing with it flashes of hot breaths and rough scratches, of orgasms multiplying over another.

'Jesus. Fuck'

'Go to sleep Scotty'

No matter how many crow eaters he buried himself into, nothing would feel like this. Her body was the shadow he left on other women. She moved closer against him and everything else became hazy around them. Without words that risked ruining their night of comforting denial they held fast to each other, marking each other with a resin that kept them stuck together. And he just hoped her skin could lend him an extra mile so he could slow down and take a moment to admire the landscape and drape his arm over her being there this time. When it came to her skin he was a drunk driver, just trying to walk straight steps. And as a biker he knew that people said the highway becomes a flat line if you travel it for too long, he didn't know if that was true but he wanted to fly down it trying to find his pulse against her. Along her back his fingers moved like pawns across the chessboard of her body, passing up avenues of attack because he wanted to make this last. It had always felt like she was racing past him, and she'll be gone again before he knows it, without ever really coming back and he doesn't know how to ask her to stay. And he finally understands why sailers planted their lips to the ground. He does the same to her body. It's because she tastes like home.

X

He woke up before she did. Taking another moment to memorise the feeling of her in his arms. Because the whole time she'd been gone, he'd been terrified that one day he wouldn't be able recollect it with perfection. So he committed it to memory over again, before gently untangling her never ending limbs from him. She'd always been a mess of limbs in her sleep. And her violent unconscious outburst proved that that hadn't changed. But she also slept more weighted than he remembered. Like the flighty ness had begun to anchor down. That scared him more than anything else had. Because as much as he wanted to lay claim to everything about her. An owning, a protecting and a loving. He couldn't. And it wore his heart away from his chest when he realised exactly what he had let her go for. She didn't belong here. Hell, none of the women in Sons lives did. Not even Gemma really. He'd never believed Gemma was sociopathic by nature. Just as the club had created Clay, in turn, they had created Gemma. Placed in another life where blood and violence didn't rule, she'd be a fierce mother that smoked too much and swore too much and would never be on the PTA. But not what she had become...

He brought his thoughts back to the sleeping woman in his bed. She couldn't stay with him. For all the reasons they both already knew. And he inhaled deeply the cigarette he had lit, as the honest truth hung heavier in the air than the smoke. That one day you can meet someone who starts a fire in you that cannot die, but they are not always with whom you can spend your life.


End file.
